I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
