I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
