at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
