My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
