Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
