Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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