She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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