i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
