so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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