I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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