I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
