4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
