i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
