My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
