The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
