His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
