What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
