:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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