Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize