last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
