did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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