He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
