I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
