Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
