i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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