Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
