I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
