I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
