I'm lost and stupid without you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
