I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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