Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
