you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize