so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
