hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So much rum. So many feels.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
