I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
