i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
