His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
