So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
