What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize