Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
