I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
