You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
