I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
