Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
