the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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