All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
