I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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