please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
