that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did you just send me my own nude
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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