Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
