I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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