Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize