i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
