I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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