He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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