So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My balls are so social today.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
