I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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