dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize