It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
