dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
