Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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