I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
