woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
