I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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