How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
