you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
