it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i think my cat just said my name.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
