i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I see more hoeing in ur future
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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