I want to make a zoo with you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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