i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
