david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
