I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
