I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize