if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
