why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
