True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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