So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
