The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
