You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
