So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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