so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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