Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Holy shit dude........stairs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
