"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
