I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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