Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
