At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
