I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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