Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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