guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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