whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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