Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
