last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize