so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Fuck appropriateness.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
