I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
