I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
