no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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