I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
