I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't motorboat a personality
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
