is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
